‘Just Kidding’ Green Smoothie

I know what you’re thinking, pals. What’s funny about green smoothies?

Regular green smoothies with a buttload of kale, cucumber, celery and all of the other gross/shouldn’t be blended kind of vegetables? Nothing. There is nothing funny about those smoothies, you guys. Just ask all of the fitspo and "clean eating" bloggers: they take their green juices and smoothies VERY seriously.

Me, on the other hand? I don’t want to drink cucumber or kale. I don’t even wanna eat celery unless there’s a mountain of peanut butter on it. And even then, hold the celery, would you? I’ve tasted a few standard green smoothies in my day and I feel like if you ate Shrek’s boogers… That’s what they’d taste like. And if I’m gonna be eating ANYONE’S boogers (although I don’t know why I would, unless I’m 5-year-old Lou who most definitely picked her nose, rubbed it in the dirt and ate it for dessert), then I’d want to eat Beyonce’s boogers. Because everything about that woman is 100% perfect. I feel like she would poop glitter.

But enough about boogers and poop, you guys. Sometimes I forget I’m not at work unwillingly smelling kid’s fluffs and I’m writing a food blog. Whoops. Guess this post won’t be winning any sophisticated culinary awards any time soon!

This is a ‘just kidding’ green smoothie because it looks green, but tastes anything but! It’s pretty much just a normal smoothie, but with a handful of spinach added… Which, if you ask me, is the least offensive tasting of all of the leafy greens. The idea of adding it to my smoothie came about one day when I had a bit of spinach leftover from dinner the night before and didn’t want it to go to waste. So I flung it in my smoothie and I was happy as Larry!

Have a go at making this, would you? It’s such a good way to slurp up a delicious tasting smoothie without realising you’re filling your body with a plethora of minerals and nutrients! (I just used the word ‘plethora’, you guys. That’s a $5 word. Surely that makes up for all the bodily function talk earlier?)

Let me know what you think, little buns!

‘Just Kidding’ Green Smoothie

Makes 1 mason jar’s worth of smoothie, because you’re trendy and hipster af


– 1 cup milk (I use coconut milk, but you do you!)

– 1/2 frozen banana

– Small handful each of frozen mango and pineapple

– 1/4 cup rolled oats

– 1 tablespoon almond butter

– 1 scoop vanilla protein powder (optional)

– 1 big handful baby spinach leaves


You know what to do! Pop all of the ingredients in a blender, do a little boogie while it does it’s thing and serve it straight away. (I recommend putting the milk in first, so that none of the ingredients get stuck down the bottom. Ya welcome!)

Also, I used banana, mango and pineapple because it’s what I had in my freezer. You could use a whole banana, or just use pineapple or use another kind of fruit all together! The smoothie is your oyster! But don’t add oysters, you guys. That wouldn’t taste nice, okay?

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